Author: Lisa Johnson

Well, isn’t this a true statement?  We would literally be paralyzed if we did this.  Oh, but isn’t it easy to do and haven’t all of us done it? “What if’s” are stifling!

We stall because we are afraid of the “what if”.  My friend, Diane, yelled back at me “what if?”  when I was crying, “what if………?”, she asked what if my “what if” was the means to the breakthrough? That was a sobering moment! The very thing I was afraid of was the thing that could cause change! And it did!

I have had to make decisions regardless of how scary they have appeared. In those moments I remind myself that God constantly reminded people to fear not hundreds of times in the Bible.  When we are afraid we tend to focus on everything that could possibly go wrong. We choose very rarely focus in that moment to focus on what all could go right.

I know it because I have had those moments many times.  I remember when I was at family camp and we were all challenged to repel off of this mountain. As I looked up at the TA’s, who were at the top of the mountain, my first thought was OOOOOhhhhh my God, I am not doing that. My family and  everyone else was looking up gasping. At that very moment I said,  “Forget it I am going first.” I had to immediately confront my fear and start the trek up the mountain before I listened to everyone else complain, moan and groan about reasons not to and what might happen.  I had to shut out every voice and just go do it. I was the first one in my family to go!  

The next challenge when I got up there was to jump off.  Another very difficult decision. This took a little more time and coaxing.  I just quickly strapped up and took the step off the ledge. Once I took that initial step I knew it was the right decision. I knew it was opening up countless opportunities for me to really enjoy this camp if I just got through this moment. This camp was a week long and there were going to be lots of adventures.  I did not want to spend the whole week afraid to do anything.

I could not make the decision to jump if I had stood around and listened to every one talk about how crazy it was how scary it was or what could happen. I would have never done one of the most courageous things I had ever done. Fear was something I had struggled with in my life up to this point. I am so glad I did it, I believe it was one of the most defining moments in my life and a turning point for me dealing with my fears.  I am so grateful for that Family Camp. I learned to overcome my fears and it has helped me so much grow in my walk in life.

Thinking about the “what if’s? can paralyze you and keep you from doing the very things that you are supposed to do.  Most of the time the thing you fear doesn’t even happen. It is really something that keeps us from accomplishing our dreams in life. The way I see it if the “might happens” happen, brush your self off and keep it moving!

I had the opportunity to go on a Missions trip this Fall and on this trip we did an 30 Kilometer walk(18 miles). I can’t even believe I walked 18 miles in one day, but I DID IT!  I think that I learned a lot of lessons on that journey and will be sharing them.  Here is the first video that I made on one of the lessons I learned about Shifts.  I hope you enjoy!

“That’s a great way of looking at it.” “I didn’t think about it that way.” These are two common comments I get after having a conversation with people about certain situations. I love to help people think of things differently when we talk about situations where they may be drawing conclusions. I have been accused of wanting to be positive or sometimes trying to pull the best out of situations. Not to say I don’t have moments of negativity, but for the most part I tend to try to find or see the best in situations and or people.  I think that it’s just so important to view things from a different perspective at times.

A change of perspective may help you:

1. Help with you have a more positive outlook.
2. See people and situations differently.
3. Keep down conflict, disagreements and even anxiety. 

Perspective can be defined as “ a particular attitude toward or way of regarding something; a point of view.”  Most of us tend to have the same attitude regarding everything.  I think this tends to make us very “one way” or “one sided” in our views.  I think when we begin to change our point of view on some things we may begin to see or experience a whole new world.

Think about this… There is a drinking glass on a table with water in it. The water in the glass is at the halfway mark.  If you were asked to describe the glass in terms of fullness, would you say the glass is half full or half empty? Some people will describe it as half full others half empty. I think this is all about perspective! I tend to think people with a more positive outlook tend to view it as half full. How would you see the glass?

I got a phone call from my son and he was a little upset about a recent hail storm.  The hail storm did a lot of damage to his car. He was going off a little about it. I said, “Son, hold up a minute.”  I actually got kind of excited and he was probably confused. I reminded him first off that he had insurance. I said, “so what you are telling me is that you are going to have to take your car in and have it assessed and get it repaired by your insurance?” I reminded him of all the dings and stuff on his car and that basically he was going to get a brand new exterior! He had never thought of it that way, I don’t believe!  All he could think of was that his car was damaged and he was going have to get it fixed, and all that was involved in that. He never thought of the fact that his exterior was going to be practically new. The only cost to get a new looking exterior was a his deductible and some time without his car. All the scratches and dings that have been there for years would be gone!  I believe for my son he experienced all 3 things:  A more positive outlook, viewed the situation differently, and definitely reduced anxiety.  Perspective is everything!  Could you use a change of perspective?

You finally recognize that it’s time to have a hard conversation. The scariest moment has come and you have to do it! There is nothing more uncomfortable than having to approach someone you don’t want to have a conversation. You feel anxious and afraid. Most people do not like confrontation and the thought of it causes stomachs to feel nauseous and to ball up in knots. Anyone relating?

A few things to remember once you have invited the individual to have the conversation with you:

1. Place value on the relationship. Tell the person exactly why you want to have the conversation. Perhaps, concern for them and maintaining the relationship.

2. Do not go in with accusations. State what you felt or experienced clearly without ANY accusations, just share. No finger pointing, but lots of clarity.

3. Give the individual an opportunity to share. Be intentional about being a good listener when the person begins to share. If you set being a good listener as your only expectation; it’s already a WIN!

4. Be ready to take responsibility for your part. You may be the person that was wrong or may be accused of being wrong. Own it!

5. Be willing to forgive and move beyond the moment. Sometimes people are not receptive so be willing to be okay with that.

6. Decide what expectations are beyond the discussion and next steps. Ensure that both of you walk away with clarity of what is next for the relationship. Don’t be pushy about this though. Just make sure you walk away with the right heart.

I have had MANY difficult conversations over my many years of working with people and it really does not ever go that bad. If you go in with the right attitude things will go well. There are occasions where  people are just not receptive but you must realize that is not on you but them. You have to do your part in the restoration process and the ball is not longer in your court. There are also times when you go in and realize you are wrong, accept it. Taking responsibility for your personal actions and sometime  the hard conversation was to reveal something about you. Accept it and grow from it!

I hope this is helpful! If you need a little more in-depth coaching in this area or relationships in general please contact me. I think I can help you in a few sessions. I would love to connect with you!